My Beloved Floyd- Chicago Pet Photographer

I can't say that I didn't see it coming.  It's been almost 13 years with my dog Floyd, and his age alone told me that I wouldn't get to have him much longer.  Slowly, I have watched his sleek, athletic build turn into one covered with lumps of fatty tumors.  The patch around his eye has faded from black to a mostly salt, less pepper look, and he has slowed down quite a bit, as just getting around has become more difficult for him.  But although I knew the end could be near, hearing the vet tell me today that he has only 3-6 months to live didn't make the sting of those words hurt any less.  You see, Floyd has a tumor which is wrapped around his spleen and is inoperable.... so it is here... the time that I knew was coming has come.

Floyd and I have been together since I graduated college in 2001.  I spent a whopping $5.00 on him at the animal shelter in Bloomington, IN.  At the time, they charged $5 for the dog and $15 for the neuter.  How could such an incredible little life be worth so little?  This dog has lived in 7 different homes with me.  He was there with me through the happiest of times, when I met and fell in love with my husband, and he has also been there when I hurt more than any person should.  He has been with us as we welcomed 3 additional dogs to our family, and has taught and tolerated the several foster dogs who have passed through our home.  He has been spoiled with trips to dogs parks and to Dairy Queen for ice cream cones and pet stores to pick out new toys. He has done countless Doggie Easter Egg Hunts and had his picture taken with Santa Paws numerous times.  Floyd was my first baby and I know that I am everything to Floyd.  He knows I saved him and while he loves everyone else in our house, he wants only me.

Of course Floyd has been a great pet, but as with any animal or person for that matter, he has also at times filled my life with frustration. This dog has destroyed countless remote controls, toys and articles of clothing. He has chewed furniture and dug holes. He has run away and come home soaked in swamp water and has killed rabbits and dragged them in my house. He has engagaed in tug of war with my neighbor over steaks that he had stolen off the kitchen counter and he has pulled full plates of food off the kitchen table.  He has pooped, peed and vomitted in my house and he has pulled diapers from the trash and eaten them.  This dog has made me curse him but the love he has given in return has made it all so worth it.

Sadly, with each new baby we have brought home, Floyd and his needs have been pushed further and further aside, and this is the guilt that I struggle with now.  At one time it was just the two of us.  He needed me and I needed him, but as my life has changed and I've needed him less, he has still loved me unconditionally and has eagerly taken the love and attention just when I had time to give it. But that's just it.... when I had time to give it.  I can't tell you how many times Floyd has anxiously greeted me at the door and I have walked right past him, or he has laid down in front of me and I have just stepped over him.  There are days where I have gone to bed and realized that I hadn't even pet Floyd that day--- that life had been so crazy with work and kids and their activities, I passed him by and merely fullfilled his needs of food and shelter.  So as naughty of a dog he may have been on days, I too have had days when I have failed as his master.

But since there is nothing I can do to change the past, I am thankful I have these remaining months with Floyd, knowing the end is near.  I have the chance now, to try to begin to make up for the time with him I passed-up because life got busy.  I am going to make time for Floyd and take him on walks again, instead of just letting him out in the backyard.  I am going to spoil him with treats and belly rubs and bones and car rides and fill our last few months together with as much love as I can possibly give him. 

And when Floyd let's me know it is time, I will have the courage to hold him and comfort him as my beloved Floyd, slowly falls asleep.